SEX
“Using sex as a weapon!”
Sex is meant to be enjoyed in a healthy way in a relationship, it should never be a weapon nor should it be used for transactional purposes in relationships.
People use sex to attract favors and many others use it to make themselves feel good inside. Sex is never a measure of love and one should never use it to seek validation.
I don’t care much about women who use sex for transactional purposes because those women are simply prostitutes who sell themselves for trinkets. I’m more concerned about women who use sex to endear themselves to men.
Male validation is a disease that is slowly consuming our women in our societies. Women who are desperate for praise and sexual attention don’t respect their own perspectives about themselves or those of other women.
I see women twerking on social media everyday and one would think they simply love dancing but psychological, most are simply screaming for male attention. Shaking their asses for all to see and the comments that men offer after viewing those statuses make them feel sexy or beautiful. Women desperately want men to find them sexually appealing and nowadays they do not care if we objectify them as men because to them that is simple validation for their beauty.
I see women gallivanting the streets semi-naked and it’s normal for us to think that it’s simply what is fashionable these days but the competition to attract the opposite gender is stiff nowadays. It’s dog eat dog when it comes to oozing sexual appeal in our streets off late and women have become so narcissistic to the extent of shunning modesty.
I hear women bemoaning the fact that men objectify them too much yet they have opened themselves up to such objectification. I see campaigns running today that scream “A MINISKIRT IS NOT A YES” when speaking against violent sexual crimes but noone is talking about “cause and effect”. Men are attracted to what they see and women are attracted to words/compliments.
When men see, they want and when women hear, they crave! I don’t condone nor do I excuse rape but women have also made it easy for men who are easily excitable when they see to be attracted to them and some will violently get what is out of reach to them. That is not the pith of this discussion, I was just passing through. Don’t tease them if you can’t please them!
The fact is, women have a tendency to equate sexual acceptance to personal value. It is normal to feel good about yourself when people like you but it is sick to use sex or your sexuality for clout and likes.
Women should learn that their whole lives are not about pleasing men sexually because that comes naturally to almost every woman. Real men ultimately settle for a woman of substance and not for a sex symbol. Every woman is sexy in her own right and different things appeal to different men of different calibres. Seek to grow yourself beyond the physical lest you become just a trophy girlfriend or a trophy wife.
Women use sex to control men and solicit the kind of response they want in any setting with a men. Sex is a manipulation tool and it works all the time on many unassuming men and women alike. Never seek love or attention through sex because people will disappoint you in the end. Rather seek to cultivate strong interpersonal relationships based on honesty, friendship, love and everything that is true.
Also, never try to validate someone’s feelings of inadequacy, sadness, anger, anxiety and or feelings of insecurity through sex. Yes, it is important to recognize and value each other’s feelings in a relationship but there are better ways to validate those feelings other than through sex.
Men and women in relationships use sex to apologise for different reasons and they also use it to pacify contentious situations in their relationships. That is very wrong because the prevailing problems will not go away through sex, it’s just like sweeping dirt under the carpet. We can only validate each other’s feelings by talking things through, listening to each other and by empathizing with each other while apologizing to each other as necessary.
External validation is fleeting, compliments dry up and people easily move on from that which is trivial to them. Always seek to cultivate self-love because self-care is an inside job. Know that you important, you are beautiful and you are valuable just the way you are. Seek self-development everytime and your self-esteem should be built upon a self-identity that is not superficial.
By McDennias H. Moyo
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